How To Tell If Your Coworker Puts the Zeal in Zealot

Or The Fundamentals Of Avoiding the Office Fundamentalist

These folks are the exact opposite of our Quixotic friend even though they might seem the same at first glance. Where the Quixotic are often the gadflies who try to make us better with what seems like crazy ideas that eventually become mainstream, zealots generally run in packs and have wacky ideas that are designed to drag us backward. They are the fundamentalists in every country and religion. In some places, they advocate Sharia law. In our country, they loudly oppose Sharia law because they fear it will block their efforts to impose their own brand of fundamentalism on us instead.

Be careful of these folks because the more you see of them, the worse they are.

Here are some ways to spot them:

They Feel Threatened By New Ideas.

By that, we mean anything that has been thought up since, say, The Crusades. If you hear them say something is “the work of the devil” with a straight face, you’ll have a pretty good idea of where they’re coming from.

They’re Relentless.

They not only believe they are right and you’re wrong, but they won’t rest until you join them and see it their way. Why? Because if you don’t accept their world view, you will rot in hell or face some equally heinous fate. Why they can’t accept that we’re fine with uncertainty or even what they see as a really good chance that we’re going to hell is beyond us. Who knows? Maybe they get bonus points or think they will be welcomed by many virgins on the other side or something. And what does that say about what those virgins did in their past lives?

They Believe The Ends Justify The Means.

Yes, they may have to break laws, blow up others or hurt you to make you see things the right way and you might end up dead in the process, but you’ll be so much better off. At least, you won’t rot in hell.

They Blame Every Disaster In Any Other Part Of The World On The Sinfulness Of The Locals.

Oddly, when bad things happen to their followers it just seems to be a case of bad luck. When an earthquake happens in San Francisco, for example, it’s because of the city’s embrace of the gay agenda (whatever that is) and when a hurricane hits New York City it’s because of the immorality of the city, but when a tornado hits Kansas leaving flattened buildings and numerous fatalities in its path, they’re at a loss to explain.

They Believe in QAnon

Let’s get serious for a minute, here. If you look at the beliefs of Q, they’re really not all that different from the ideas espoused by Henry Ford, famed purveyor of anti-Semitism throughout the U.S. He didn’t invent anti-semitism, he merely updated it for the audience of his time. And so, too, does Q. The group takes all the ideas of anti-Semitism, throws in a few, new high-tech ideas and hits puree to make it more appealing to a modern audience. It’s enough to make you wonder if Henry Ford is Q.

They Are Still Trump Supporters.

Enough said.

They Have Daddy Issues.

Sometimes, unresolved parent issues cause people to seek approval from another, equally authoritarian figure…or it could be that they’re just plum out of their minds.

They Might Be Members Of The Westboro Baptist Church.

The great thing about being a member of this church, apparently, is that it gives you license to protest no matter how ill-advised or unacceptable your ideas really are. You can go to the funeral of a person who was at the Pulse Night Club shooting and say they deserved it because of their lifestyle choice and you can protest a soldier’s funeral just because… And best of all, you never, ever have to wear a mask….except when you’re putting on your pointed white hood.

Zealots will always be around, of course, but it’s up to us to figure out how to react. We can marginalize them or we can vote them into office. It’s up to you to decide.

This is a non-illustrated version of a story that appears on Medium. If you’d like to see the fully illustrated version with funny captions and all. Check them out at the Medium.

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