So, I admit I haven’t been doing as much humor in the last few weeks or so since the election because, well, because…it’s been hard.
I’ve been trying to break myself of the habit of doom scrolling as soon as I get up, but haven’t been able to find an alternative activity that really works for me. You can’t say I haven’t tried, though.
Here are some of the things I’ve tried doing instead and how they’ve gone:
Looking At Electronics Review Sites.
Reaction — Hey, I can’t believe they went with the speakers on the side the laptop. That’s an outrage! The makers should be subpoenaed!
Looking For Deals On Shopping Sites.
Reaction — Really? Really? They stopped selling the diet soft drink TAB on Amazon? That’s just unacceptable! I’m going to call my congressperson and see if they can appoint a special prosecutor. This is just…just…unacceptable!
Checking Out Sports Sites For News Of My Favorite Teams.
Reaction — The Seahawks have seven wins and three losses after losing to the Rams, the Cardinals and the BILLS? THE BILLS? THE F’ING BUFFALO BILLS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I DEMAND A RECOUNT!
Watching “Dancing With the Stars.”
Reaction — The whole thing is rigged. Some of these people aren’t even registered to vote in the country, a few are voting on the phone, others absentee and a whole bunch are voting early and often. What is that about?
Shopping. In Person.
Reaction — I have to wear a mask to shop in your store? Well, we’ll just see about that, won’t we. I’m going to call my lawyer and we’re going to appeal it all the way to the SUPREME COURT. Just you wait. You’ll see.
Household Chores.
Reaction — We don’t need a plumber to fix that leak, a furnace guy to repair that problem with our heating system or an appliance person to fix that leaky gas stove. It will be fine. I ALONE CAN FIX IT!
Watching The Weather Channel.
Reaction — Hey, Mr and Miss Meteorologist, you predicted sun, but it’s snowing cats and dogs! And I just stepped in a poodle. That’s the third time this week! I demand your impeachment. Impeach them! Impeach them! Lock them up! Lock them up!
Exercise.
Reaction — You call that a jumping jack? My uncle could do better jumping jacks and he’s been dead for years!
Focus On My Career.
Reaction — Career? What the hell is that?
Yeah, I think it’s going well.